Tuesday, December 31, 2019

eoog

I drove down one Thursday and Jay and Token were up there playing Freedom and Viola Lee Blues.  Boris played some songs and there was another decent guitarist.  The songs were good and there was a young woman up front dancing insistently all night, and a few other people dancing around.  There was a backup singer.

Abigail Disney is cool

  Abigail Disney is a billionaire that feels guilty about it.  The New Yorker has an article on her.  I drove down to Bodhi bakery today, and the weather was warmer than usual.  They had several croissants left.  I had an espresso.
  I managed to play Althea and Fourth Street and several other songs yesterday.

Friday, December 27, 2019

Places I've stood and vaped or smoked

1. My front door.
  I look out on a lawn that I barely mow.  It's all single story houses on my block, and there's a grade school across the way.  I was standing out there and smoking, now I vape.
2.London, Pickadilly circus
  Downstairs at the hotel we were at several years ago.  I bought packs of cigarettes at the kiosks that had gruesome pictures on them, and were quite expensive.  I was tearing off the filters at that time.  People would set up tents at night on the cobblestones.  There was a church across the way, and a Pizza Express on the ground floor.
3.Quebec City, Quebec.
  The hotel was very nice, made of stone, in the old town.  It was mostly below freezing.  Everybody spoke French.  I was vaping nicotine.  There was a McDonalds up the way, and many fine espresso joints.
 4.Florida.  Port Charlotte
  I'd stand next to the street, look at the canal and the colorful birds.  I'd walk down to a bridge and back. 


Wednesday, December 04, 2019

this dope ain't your dope

My room had a bare wood floor and a mattress. Leaves of Grass was sitting on the shelf. I had a portable electric typewriter. There were beans to eat in the kitchen, and I washed way too much spinach in the vegetarian kitchen. The kitchen manager came in and said "We'll figure out something to do with it." I think we were havingg spanikopita. There was a chifforobe with a Bose speaker/tape player on it. Per would come in and read my Rick Griffin art book. I listen to Regatta de Blanc and Workingman's Dead over and over and barely went to class. Phones plugged into the wall. Pacific Film Archive played excellent films and Mrs. Fields' was just down from there.
I ended up paying a ton of fines at Barrington for skipping workshifts.

Saturday, November 16, 2019

ty

You know I'm only in it for the gold.


All that I am asking for is ten good dollars, and I could pay you back with one good hand.


I have no respect for the kind of life I am living.  On the other hand physically I'm doing better, enough to do some cooking and jogging. 

Don't you taste hard liquor, just a cup of cold coffee.  Going to get up in the morning and go.

Like a field of sunflowers, a good poem should require no explanation.

Where is my money coming from?  The Mechanical Turk isn't going to do it.

I feel like Kafka's Hunger Artist, only with considerably less morals.  But the jogging is waking me up, and the stretching is worth doing.


Friday, September 06, 2019

there's anxiety on the river.

Time passes on as NPR announces the changes in the world, and the world outside remains too hot.  I am spending time typing out words, wondering if they will ever have a meaning.  I write on, and the soul remains at a low energy level.

Saturday, February 16, 2019

Monday, January 21, 2019

Trying to think positive. Nothing on the agenda, just another day stretching out into nothingness.

Tuesday, January 15, 2019

In the Interzone watching the students study away.  I don't want to go home because I'm paranoid, but there's no use staying either.

I feel my life may not last that much longer.  I feel my physical issues are serious.

I barely have the energy to type out these words.

Sunday, January 06, 2019

Still dealing with Gordon in the garage.  He thinks it's his space and that is that with him.  Donna is freaked out.  I feel like shit, no appetite or energy.  This is the lowest I've ever been.  I have to keep reminding myself that there's got to be a peaceful way out of this solution.  I don't want any more arguing.
Tried and True has young women, so here I am all alone, but still perhaps could be in a worse position.  The ability to live free in a free society is only accorded to people who's actions are okay over the long term.

I see a lot of desperation everywhere and don't want to make it worse, but just fade out peacefully.


Thursday, January 03, 2019

Boy, I sure know how to pick the roommates. Gordon was a friend I had played some music with, and I had hung out at his house in Blodgett in the coast range. He seemed to me to have some cool qualities. Some musical talent, somewhat of an amateur botanist, and an owner of a tiny house on a beautiful peace of land. I knew he was hermetic but also thought that was not necessarily a bad thing. Anyway, I had stopped calling him for quite a while because it seemed like he was criticizing me too much, but I called him again, it had been a year, and I brought him out some groceries to his place, and we smoked rollies and joints and talked about Summit people and music, and frankly I listened to him talk. He was selling his house, so I offered him a room in my house, and he seemed to think that was a good idea. I was like, great, I'll have a musical friend and he will distract me from the pit of depression I'm usually stuck in. I was also thinking he'd get along with the roommate I already had, Donna, a ex-massage therapist, 71, who was renting a room already. She had been there for four months or so, and she had a tendency to really get on my nerves, but for reasons that were harmless, like doing a lot of dishwashing, etc. So Gordon has a ton of shit moved into my garage, and I get back one day and he's moved his nearly dead cat in. The next day he goes in the garage and starts rearranging things, setting them up the way he likes them, like he owns the room. We find out that my mom doesn't want to smoke in the garage, and I tell him that, and he gets enraged. The next day I confirm with my mom that there's no smoking allowed, and get her on the phone, and he, instead of taking the phone, pretends like he's going to throw it. He insists on his way. He's not acknowledging who makes the rules. The next day I'm hoping that maybe I can give him his way on the smoking and there won't be anything more irrational about him. He wants a desk in a certain place and I decided to say that I don't want it that way, and he gets enraged and starts yelling and get up and shoves me off my chair, attacking me. I keep him off me and he sits down. I get up and say, "you just assaulted me, thirty days notice" I go into the living room, sit for about an hour, and he comes into the kitchen, and I come in and say, "Hey, Gordon, neither one of us wants to go to jail, etc" and he simply becoming enraged and slams the kitchen dhoor on me. So then I called the cops and told them what happened. They don't arrest him because it's his word against mine. Since then he's been escalating, he's remained enraged, shoved Donna, threw water at me, spit at me, informed me that he's dangerous. He's decided he owns the garage and is going to be there two months even though he hasn't paid any rent. He's just trying to screw me over any way he can, I guess. It didn't have to be this way. We're trying to get him out on a 7 day eviction notice. But if he becomes more dangerous or assaults me again, we'll look at a 24 hour notice.