Saturday, May 28, 2016


Someone was telling a story about how they're carrying around cigarettes.....

Tuesday, May 17, 2016

Low Kindred Stump

Low Kindred Stump
  -by Chris Farrell

  I’m still thinking about that downed power line and watching Melanie do her feet rubbing and stretching before the show, getting ready, doing yoga moves whether she knows it or not.  or the ones that didn’t treat her right or think they own her.  It was so cool since seeing her play music at the Mayan New Year, and all of the other events since then.  I guess you notice that she did stay in town in the long run, that is, she’s still here.  So we all move somehow, a more descriptive way to sort things out.
   I saw Sean Penn at Fred Meyer last night.  Then there was the Latino guy who gave me a long stare going in to the 7-11, and then I was standing in front of, and finally asked him how it was going, since he wasn’t really saying much, and felt guilty for Juan, as I usually do, or I didn’t ask him to do anything or even talk to him, but still, so there it is.  Not supposed to feel guilty but I did.  Plus I never went to his memorial, which was big.  So that’s not too good.  On the bright side, to keep on the sunny side of life: Melanie and her voice and songs.  I think she’s changed too, beyond getting to know me nonverbally mostly.  “ how y’all keep it real and not fake the funk?” “those B&W kitties are hella cool”  (hella is a Berkeley word, ..or it was then) and then I’m not making fun of her weight, because that worries me, if the truth is going to be out there.  She looks like she lost a bit of weight though, and a lot of weight is muscle in those colossal thighs, so that’s not a bad thing there.  So time to leave the bad behind, and I don’t mean african-americans.  Not a bad thing there, but how does each person treat the woman?  Nothing else to see here.  She’ll have to meet my black friends.


Monday, May 16, 2016

he doesn't use the internet

he figures the women will be around
his physical surroundings if they
want to be around him.

Saturday, May 14, 2016


who lives where beggars rarly speed?
and leads a humdrum life indeed
as none beside herself would lead
My Mary
Who lives where noises never cease?
and what wi’ hogs and ducks and geese
can never have a minutes peace
my mary
who nearly battl’d to her chin
bangs down the yard thro thick and thin?
nor picks a road nor cares a pin
my mary

who (save in sunday bib and tuck)
goes daily (waddling like a duck)
oer head and ears in grease and muck
my mary

who used to pattins or to clogs
Who takes the swill to serve the hogs?
And steals the milk for cats and dogs
My Mary

Who frost and Snow as hard as nails
Stands out o' doors and never fails
To wash up things and scour the pails
My Mary

Who bussles night and day in short
At all catch jobs of every sort
And gains her mistress' favor for't
My Mary

And who is oft repaid wi parise?
In doing what her mistress says
And yielding to her wimmy ways
My Mary

For theres non apter I believe
At 'creeping up a Mistress' sleve'
Then this low kindred stump of Eve
My Mary

Who when the baby's all besh-t
To please its mamma kisses it?
And vows no Rose on earths so sweet
My Mary be continued

talked to now deceased Valerie Tate for a week year before last on skype and she made me see nothing was really happening...thanks.

Monday, April 18, 2016

"nothing going on"

Old friend Alex asked me a while ago how I can do that "nothing happening" thing I do all the time.  I guess it is a thing I do.  It's a special quality that I have partly through karate and it's way of seeing things.  Karate is really good at not speaking instead of saying something, and that changes things, somehow.

It's because pieces need to come back together before I might have things happening, like with a group of friends: and I think particularly of how much my Oregon friends would like my friends from Berkeley, if they were to meet.  I can guarantee there'd be some frisky dancing, some Hendrix, a bit of Pink Floyd, and delve into the deep meaning ....I mean, get high and play some music.

I mean, I have things happening...karate, music, but ....I see why I had to get out of the Berkeley scene..... no place, etc.

But given that I might have been talked about a bit, so what?  What good is that doing me now?

On the other hand, things aren't so bad.  You could say that karate and family support got me to where I am today

Sunday, April 17, 2016


 The big good thought from yesterday is going by once and then coming back and turning around to look at a guitarist, and then I looked back and she was talking to a customer, but she suddenly looked happy, looked happy about how drawn in I was to the music.  So that image was with me the entire rest of the day, helping and putting energy into my guitar playing…..I mean the happy little image energized me.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

today in the countryside it was hotter than a crotch. I stood alone upon a hill and all I did was watch. I mean tried to, or something.

  So here we are again, and we all kind of get ahead from time to time, still kind of keeping a vigil somewhere.  The sun was nice today and there were a lot of weeds pulled.  The best thing is that I seem to feel a bit better today, and had no problem with the effort of the weed pulling.
  Then I figured out the guitar was not working, and so that was a drag.  And so for as far as we can see, we have good chances and prospects and hopes for the future.  And the day goes on.  The rough hands will impress her a bit, or it will be what she wants to see.  Anyway, other than that, just the usual frustration and aimlessness, and defeat, somehow.  So that comes out in some way, we figure out the best we can what we have to make and get from, I guess.
  Other than that, I feel a bit downtrodden about the whole deal, and go on and figure things out as soon as possible.  In general, one never knows and doesn’t go outside of what one sees.  And then you go on and figure out the way we all go or where or what we could do and make or find in our hearts.

  So then all of it was somehow brought about, slept through, changed, organized, and they know we are really good players, and that we could get it all arranged and set up.  Patience is really the key to things, with moderation and strains getting through all of what we had thought of.
  So that being what it is, I still have issues with my car, so maybe I should get that straightened out.  So there it is, so many maintenance issues and differing lengths of things, and bizarre people seen here and there.  And so they all go, slowing down the sound, getting into a more sure position, and getting all our elements in line or in a more strange deal.

  So the deal is, we all strive for more than we could get, and go from there.  So it is all thought of, all derived from somewhere, I would guess.  It seems like Gordon’s little place near the river is one little slice of heaven, I guess. One things I’ve never done is swim in those with friends and girls.  Maybe in the future.  Group situations freak me out quite often.  Lets just say it makes me uneasy just to think about it.  Maybe in the future my mindset will be different.  It would be nice to have friends to relax around, my old ones from Berkeley and the friends here.  A lot of good music could happen....and probably quality seriously, time to be serious about life.

I sure wouldn’t mind seeing a naked female body though, that’s for sure.  So that is what it is, and we go through strenuous battles to get through and make all of it an issue somehow.  So there you go, and we all can appreciate most of this, I would guess.  It’s nice to have Nancy as a new friend too, that is for sure.  It's a drag I never see Karen too.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016


I have to remember not to look at women too long.  They sure are beautiful though. 

Monday, April 11, 2016

everything's going my way

except for this physical ailment, which has me worried.

Gordon Lee's place, past Blogette on old Blogette road, was really cool,  quite magical like Summit, but he's in a really nice spot, kind of a low valley with the tumtum river right next to him, frogs, supposedly a swimming hole, but he's not gay as far as I know, but anyway, it sounded nice.  We sat and played a couple songs and smoked his skinny little well rolled joints.  It's so great to be out there when I can.  Maybe next time we can get some chicks out there too.

He's a talented musician.  He'd be great in our band, but anyway him and me can work on some songs.

I bought a 600 dollar Taylor acoustic/electric.  I am sure I'll have chances to play, and I need at least a pretty good instrument, considering how great of a guitar player I am.  Or better than some, I guess.  But who cares...?

Tuesday, April 05, 2016

*loathsome snicker*

  So we all start seeing things after a while.  I went to the co-op and S was there checking out stuff, and I asked her how she was and wanted to wish her well, which I did.  Other the way we might have seen it, not so much a factor to figure out as a set of ideas somehow communicated with as much possibility as possible, so to speak.  I am looking forward to going to the free meal and then going to karate.
  I hope I am going to be feeling well enough for all that.  My energy level is set at tired, it seems like and so it goes, people find things to do, and money to inherit, and all of that, kind of keeping it as well as it could be, a sorry state of affairs, I would guess.
  Lori is coming over tomorrow to play music, so that is good.  I am sure there will be a bit of benefit in that, a rock thing taking over somehow, carrying away as possible as we any can, try to unite a group, find a task we can enjoy being part of, or it will all seem to be quite strange.

  It would be nice to go out and find a nice place to get stoned and watch the grass.  However, the worry over the gastric condition is really tempering my joy in about anything at all, because of the worry.  Yesterday was the day I was up until nine in the morning because I had run out of Seroquel.  So then the entire next day was fucked.
  I hope I will have more energy this afternoon, but maybe I’m just kind of burnt on guitar playing, but giving that a break won’t be much of a big deal.  I practiced a bit this morning, and that was fun.  So it goes, and we try to pick out patterns on the strings, and find a better band or a better group of friends, try to stay in good health, if only to make us all understand the issue, to have silence in the heart to hear the needs and wants of others.
  So I am going around town, writing down thoughts in little booklets, hoping to see her around as soon as possible, but also kind of tired of chasing her, I would guess, and why ….so there’s always the question of why things happen in the way that they do.  

  In the long and short of it, I’m happy for many reasons, thoughts of Japanese and Spanish, being able to read novels, karate, yoga, music…

Monday, April 04, 2016

sleepytime gorilla theatre

So baked I can barely think at all.  I was up all night last night because I had forgotten to renew my seroquel and was out.  So now I feel all messed up, in addition to the gastric issues.
  I keep coming back to that other idea we might have had, people getting together and putting together things that make more sense most of the time.  
  I so wish that comes out as something.  Perhaps I should stop taking the statin.  On the other hand, I am thinking of ....  I guess all I have to do today is karate, which will be something of a test.   People sit around and debate each other, come around and see each other again, and find some kind of sun shining around the corners, so it is good to be in the land of the living.  
  The typing of words one after another, none of them really making any sense.  The ideas, characters, doctrine, nervousness, and thinking of K looking back at me from her bicycle, and looking into my eyes.  “something inside you is feeling like I do, we’ve said all there is to say” and so it goes.  Putting my day down in words seems like a thing I can do to make myself concrete during the day.  Visions of J in the future (i hope)  and all of that wonderfulness coming and going.  A way to put things on party line and communicate somehow our line of being, of being calm in the short term, acting bored and breathing deeply during our moments of trial and other amenities.  
  I should go home and start reading Les Miserables again, or some other chapter of some book.  Hard to say, and the dull day goes on, shielding myself from the crowds here in the coffee shop.  So that is how it is, and we can hardly hope to do more.

  Last Wednesday at Bombs some lame jazz group was playing and S came in and started dancing, nice hat on, and then we all got somewhere, piling our ideas over ideas and seeing the whole bleak length of days.

  Nice weather today.

Saturday, April 02, 2016

high class

true story:

So I went to an NA meeting in Philomath and my sponsor was there, I guess I liked him as a sponsor because it seems like he was quite a fighter, I mean, in the past.  So anyway it was get something for your sponsor day and I asked him what I could get for him and he laughed and said after a while, “I guess you could get me some high class prostitutes.” and laughed.  He runs a fence making company in town.  Honest guy now.  He made the fence between me and the neighbors.  That was an epic scene.

Friday, April 01, 2016

phone conversation

 I call my bro on Thanksgiving, I’m down in SF at aunt’s place in …somewhere.  He knew I was going down to meet her so he sounded a bit pissed at what might happen, and did (sleeping together)….but anyway…it was not a very long conversation.  He agreed it would be really great to see joe and bill (not real names)  and those guys, but when I said my girlfriend wasn’t with me, he said “hey, we’ll get together next time, chris” ….so he knew the direction… So anyway, I asked if he was still doing Hsing-I…other stuff, avoiding the subject of Adi Da, and finally I told him to keep playing guitar and he laughed, so it’s all cool, joe was up at his place recently other questions were just frustrating to him.  I asked if he went anywhere and he started to say "yeah I go everywhere...or something to that effect, and then he's frustrated and says "no I don't go anywhere" so he knows the deal.  I can't go anywhere without a woman.  I mean, I could go somewhere, but why?  And how much fun would be going alone?  I guess John and I might try another day hike.  I guess my good friend surfs a lot too, so I hear.  Trust fund kid.  Gifted guitar player.  Became very good at martial arts very fast.  I remember he said "I tried.  He's probably got followers he doesn't need too.

The date with her was a total trip.  What a gifted person, psychically, musical, stuck from our same experience..

Thursday, March 31, 2016


  So beyond that, not a lot happening.  Same old but more of everything except karate, which remains mind-knumbingly repetitive, not too exciting.  So beyond that if I could somehow have a good effect on the whole jihad thing, and general make more principles of good behavior, or somehow enable people to get more justice, I’d do it.  The current situation is waaaay fucked up.
  I'm watching season two of Fargo.  Great show.  Then there's Broad City about a couple of broads in the city, not able to take anything seriously, and then TPB, of course, and something many good movies.  I should watch Carlito's Way again.
  And maybe some of those awesome japanese films directed by...forget his name.  Ozu.  Some good films..I can understand a few of the words....need to work on my Spanish too.
or speak it.
  Doing karate together must be somewhat similar to dancing together..... something I haven't experienced, but I understand it's done.  Togetherness is so important...for happiness.

Wednesday, March 30, 2016

minding my own business, getting baked

 As for now, the idea being, last night or the one before I was sitting in central park, 2am, minding my own business, getting baked, and this guy is walking up from downtown with two dogs, both off lease, one a pit bull, and they come at me, or one did, so I stood up and scared him off, and then the guy says something about how they’re nice, and I explain clearly that the problem is I’m getting disturbed, not anything else, and get upset, and then he’s saying something… the point being, he was just sizing me up, checking me out, maybe a gangster…but a very cool guy!  Latino, little mustache….. anyway, then I apologized for getting so upset…then he thought I was cool and I was like, “hey, where you going?” like we were friends already.  Karate can do that for you.  Somebody tries to throw a shock at you, and if you don’t get rattled they’re impressed and you’ve met a new friend…..maybe.  Depending on the person…but that’s one channel I have that others don’t maybe.  Sometimes people are just messing with you, one’s you’d rather not meet.

Tuesday, March 29, 2016

ivory tower

I remember going over to ward once...didn't really know the guy in college, that is to say, he was living there and Barrington previously, but the point being, I walked over to Ward from Barrington, and everybody had gone elsewhere to do something, I guess, and he was sitting there staring at a Mac Plus, I asked him what was going on and he was like, "they all took off, I'm trying to write this paper." like very matter of fact.  The dude knew a lot about music, good guitar player, I didn't really know at the time ....but ...but yeah a certain attitude and kind of the usual bullshit going on, while trying to get decent grades.

Monday, March 28, 2016


So there are movements around the country of young people who reject materialism, and apparently they’re Christians that pray together and live together, …but that seems like kind of a mindfuck to me.  You can see the opportunity for weird cults and the Manson type of thing in there, …but there’s some good there too I’m sure….I mean the part about rejecting materialism
  As far as other cults, Peter Ralston Hsing-I was that, in Berkeley.  He was good at what he did, but the whole bowing to a picture of the guy before class and his wife trying to break anyway, too much of a cult, although I’ve been assured there was more to it, by her, she told me fairly recently.   She quit when Ralston wanted to sleep with her.  Good move.

I was trying to train at Sharifi sensei's dojo in Oakland/Berkeley near San Pablo.  It was a rough area.  We were doing Shotokan, of course.  It was challenging, I did a lot of sparring, he was very demanding. Walking home was often more thrilling than class...lots of spare changers.

 he could always get high quality marijuana to sell…. She seemed to think that was cool, and I was like, ..”why is that cool?” 
  Anyway, her guy, my friend, after getting really good at hsing-i went on to join the Adi Da cult after that, which ...well, I'm sure he had his reasons.  Now Adi Da is dead..... 

Saturday, March 26, 2016

feeling better

Went into the emergency room..went to immediate care first, having issues with some kind of churning in the viscera.  So I got an x-ray and blood tests at the ER and they ruled a lot of things out, so if this keeps up I’ll be incapacitated, not dead, so that’s good to know.
  I have this feeling of things uncompleted, if I was to die, but I was trying to not think in that way, but such as it is, it looks like I’ll be okay, if I can get through this lonely Easter weekend.  Actually I skipped yoga and karate thursday cause of the gut issue, but John actually came over and we played a couple songs and had some coffee….good friends are good to have,  known the guy five years, five long years of fun: playing music and getting better at leads while I daydreamed of (insert pseudonym) … anyway, still too much free time, ….no self control on the weed…..need more money.  My bandmates are totally enthused with my awesome guitar playing (which is a result of a real special time I guess).  I mean, they are putting energy into the band so I can do less….suggesting a bunch of new songs, and John’s turning into a perfectionist, being more demanding of me, but that’s all great.  Learning new things.

Did a great recording today and uploaded it to Facebook.  Maybe we’ll go viral and get super popular overnight.  That would be a total drag.   It seems like I’ll always play music, but it’s not the only thing I do and I don't want to be famous for playing music, or really anything.  Some more friends would be good...if they're nice.  That is to say, I have some good friends, which is awesome, ...etc.

I'm more aware of things that I say that others might find strange, so that seems like progress to me.

Wednesday, March 23, 2016

I feel grateful

for being alive, and being able to enjoy the weather every I hope these health worries go away.  I really have a lot of expectations for the future...a feeling that things may sort themselves out,..


Lean out of the window,
for I heard you singing
  a merry air.

my book was closed,
  I read no more
watching the fire dance,
  on the floor.

I have left my book,
  I have left my room
for I heard you singing
  through the gloom.

singing and singing
  a merry air
lean out the window,

 Maybe I’ll do a little karate before coming down to class, which will be when it is, but then there is the issue of the homeless dinner, and how that might fit in to what we know.  Okay, so one never really knows where to go, or what the issue might be, but the fact remains that there’s no issue that’s too short, for all that.
  I don’t seem much to talk about, but that being as it is, I cleaned out the fucking microwave and then did some vacuuming and something else…forget what it was, but keeping that place clean is going well enough.  
  So there you go.  Every interaction with her has been good, and yet I remain alone…so that’s what it might be, I suppose.

Sunday, March 20, 2016


This is a little story sensei Graves told me at his 75th birthday party: we had driven down to go to it.  I asked him what's new and he looked a bit frustrated and then proceeded to tell me this story;
  He and another karate guy who quit long ago had gone up into some river on the inside stretch of Pacific coast in Canada...and they had come up to a waterfall and the engines were going full steam but the current was so strong that they were immobile....he had pictures.  That story could be interpreted a number of ways.

  I may as well go home and try to cook up the kale and collard greens that are slowly aging in the fridge.



  The gardening every day is really grounding me: the work every day seems like it will keep me from getting manic.....and maintenance...I'm committed to both.  If I get a woman she'll expect I can do shit and fix various would be great to learn more about all these processes....

  But also I can protect her physically,  better than most...chicks love that.

  Felt a bit out of sorts yesterday because I hadn’t done any karate in a couple days, so I went through the forms in the garage, adding some yoga moves, or at least my stretching is better because of the yoga knowledge,…etc.
  So, at least I should take those two things seriously, as …
  But anyway, today I went out and did some weeding and then continued painting the bedroom wall…white primer …and over the purple that my ex-wife was painting just as she had to go into the mental hospital.
  But the deal beyond that is I’m learning more maintenance and gardening, and do all the cleaning, but that’s a way of paying back my mom for living there not paying rent.
  So, that’s super exciting. 
  So, seriously, the physical acts of gardening and maintenance, the tangible result, is really helping me keep my head together, because I can think what I did today, and will do tomorrow…..somehow sticking my hands in the mud and dirt, and taking care of plants, can be a lot of fun.
  Everyone seems to be getting older, everyone’s getting older.  I remember Alex asking me “how do you do that nothing going on thing?” ….maybe that’s my forte.  Seems normal to me….but really, things were live for a while during and before that Barrington squat, but how is that relevant to the here and now? It isn’t.  So, moving along, finally I’ve maybe been accepted as good, or realized as such, by a couple women, maybe more than a couple, around here.  Thanks for finally figuring that out.  But frankly, amazing women: I was completely unaware of their existence until I met Karen.  They’ve got a bond, and I’ve got some friends that I have a bond with, none of whom live in Corvallis.
  I wonder if my night walks from Nashville to Summit, mostly around April last year, pissed off any of the loser guys that there undoubtedly that think they have a harem of women because they're badass.  We can do better than that.  I read around about people that have lots of sex, and it seems like that would cheapen the experience... however it would probably make my stomach muscles stronger and burn off more calories.  my karate would be better...

  But I think I see something good in the future, but I worry about everyone every day..there's something in there, in the getting together of my Berkeley friends with Sarah and all those other beautiful women around here.  Can't do it alone.

  I gots to start eating better. 

    Reading about violence to women is upsetting…that’s for sure.  human trafficking and the like.. 
     I’m never going to buy a gun to protect myself.  That’s the karate way….That and endeavor to have a good feeling during reality (?)
relatives, including three sisters of my mom

me out in the trees!  Alsea area, with Mahogany, Reed, and a couple others.

Friday, March 18, 2016

album was late

"you want to know why the album was late?  We were waiting for whitey to get his fucking paper straight."

Thursday, March 17, 2016

and then she was like....

"Stay the fuck away from my sister!"

Tuesday, March 15, 2016

I need an espresso machine that works.

thinks the salamanders had gone elsewhere, skip flagged down a semi and the octopi were too many to name.

"such a beautiful woman,"...he thought to himself....somehow got into more than she thought or something maybe who knows.