foul mood

Boy I’m in a foul mood today, and kind of out of it as well.  Not sure where this is going or what to do about it, much.  There’s a feeling that I am hard to figure out, that there is absolutely nothing going on that is of interest whatsoever.  I went out and bought some more mushrooms and the kind of went out and failed myself somehow, kind of a dark mechanism to get through.

  A couple of new people were there at karate…..so, none of it makes sense, but there it is, and not much to do with it.  As of what we’re doing now, I just don’t know.  Lots of things get in the way, lots of things are forgiven or known.  So all the people talking too loud, all the people giving me smiles, adds up to still me being absolutely alone in my house.  Things will work out for me though.  I think I can sort it out, or if I can’t it amounts to the same amount in either case.  So that was what it is, and we keep in the swing of things, hardly knowing just where the sorting of ourselves, and all of it is sorted out somewhere, all of it is a flow from one thing to the next, a sort of idea we all feel and go through.  There has to be some kind of working out of projects, or a better sort of understanding that we can all feel.  I feel a constant need to see more than I do, to feel all of the forms and ways we can get through, and feel some sort of peace.  The words type on, and finally all we see is where that goes to, what I can go to, what I can do, and none of it makes a whole lot of sense really.  There has to be a sense of moderation these days, or an idea that most of it can work out somewhere, get us up and out of our ideas and mechanisms for self improvement.  Lots of things are there, hardly any can actually make a difference with us, and kind of way to sort through what we know, a kind of depression or set of ideas that come to be or for us to have an idea of.

  So that’s what it is, and that’s the direction we go in, or what we do.  There has to be some sort of ideal somewhere, some sort of change that makes sense for us, a kind of easy way to type and see through what we know.  If only, I had an easy way to sort through the dross and get a less depressed mechanism to find my way through the world.

  Michael Kalmbach gives me a thumbs up when I started talking about Melanie.  There has to be a way to sort it out, to do all of it, to make it worth the while and through the doors to a better way.  Why do I have these women on my mind so much?  It almost (but not really) seems like it would be better to not know them at all, because then I wouldn’t have the sense that I’m missing out.  I need to enjoy every day for what it is…..

Summit

So here we are again, writing about the events of yesterday, and thinking of Cindy Morgan how nice it was to meet and hang out with her.  I managed to meet a few people at the event.  Gordon and I jammed and she came out and shared her weed with us, and then met Jeff Norman, who makes instruments, so there was a lot of possible ways to enjoy things, and the people playing volleyball were possible to deal with, although coming up there alone would have been very difficult.

home maintenance and yardwork.

nothing to write about

I haven't felt like sharing anything personal.  Actually there might be a thing or two.  It's funny how certain events turn out to be not as fun as you thought they might be.  Going out to see Space Neighbors at Tyee was a drag.  I didn't like the place, and there weren't many people to support the band.  Much different than their enthusiastic show at the Avery Park space.  They aren't much of a band in that Nick Rivard and Navarro aren't the greatest, and the outer space and silliness and semi-funky funk aren't much really.
  Too bad you can't hear Melanie sing.  That's a shame.  So anyway, I got out of Tyee fast.

  Then there was the Bombs show.  Melanie was funny with her guest list thing.  I wonder if that was a joke or she was just messing with me to be funny, or another possibility, it had nothing to do with me.
  So that's what it is.  Enjoy life for now, not what might happen down the road, but it happened with Karen, why not again?  Maybe a different life than I've really experienced thus far, although I have had a lot of good times in my life.