Monday, April 18, 2016

"nothing going on"

Old friend Alex asked me a while ago how I can do that "nothing happening" thing I do all the time.  I guess it is a thing I do.  It's a special quality that I have partly through karate and it's way of seeing things.  Karate is really good at not speaking instead of saying something, and that changes things, somehow.

It's because pieces need to come back together before I might have things happening, like with a group of friends: and I think particularly of how much my Oregon friends would like my friends from Berkeley, if they were to meet.  I can guarantee there'd be some frisky dancing, some Hendrix, a bit of Pink Floyd, and delve into the deep meaning ....I mean, get high and play some music.

I mean, I have things happening...karate, music, but ....I see why I had to get out of the Berkeley scene..... no place, etc.

But given that I might have been talked about a bit, so what?  What good is that doing me now?

On the other hand, things aren't so bad.  You could say that karate and family support got me to where I am today

Sunday, April 17, 2016


 The big good thought from yesterday is going by once and then coming back and turning around to look at a guitarist, and then I looked back and she was talking to a customer, but she suddenly looked happy, looked happy about how drawn in I was to the music.  So that image was with me the entire rest of the day, helping and putting energy into my guitar playing…..I mean the happy little image energized me.

Wednesday, April 13, 2016

today in the countryside it was hotter than a crotch. I stood alone upon a hill and all I did was watch. I mean tried to, or something.

  So here we are again, and we all kind of get ahead from time to time, still kind of keeping a vigil somewhere.  The sun was nice today and there were a lot of weeds pulled.  The best thing is that I seem to feel a bit better today, and had no problem with the effort of the weed pulling.
  Then I figured out the guitar was not working, and so that was a drag.  And so for as far as we can see, we have good chances and prospects and hopes for the future.  And the day goes on.  The rough hands will impress her a bit, or it will be what she wants to see.  Anyway, other than that, just the usual frustration and aimlessness, and defeat, somehow.  So that comes out in some way, we figure out the best we can what we have to make and get from, I guess.
  Other than that, I feel a bit downtrodden about the whole deal, and go on and figure things out as soon as possible.  In general, one never knows and doesn’t go outside of what one sees.  And then you go on and figure out the way we all go or where or what we could do and make or find in our hearts.

  So then all of it was somehow brought about, slept through, changed, organized, and they know we are really good players, and that we could get it all arranged and set up.  Patience is really the key to things, with moderation and strains getting through all of what we had thought of.
  So that being what it is, I still have issues with my car, so maybe I should get that straightened out.  So there it is, so many maintenance issues and differing lengths of things, and bizarre people seen here and there.  And so they all go, slowing down the sound, getting into a more sure position, and getting all our elements in line or in a more strange deal.

  So the deal is, we all strive for more than we could get, and go from there.  So it is all thought of, all derived from somewhere, I would guess.  It seems like Gordon’s little place near the river is one little slice of heaven, I guess. One things I’ve never done is swim in those with friends and girls.  Maybe in the future.  Group situations freak me out quite often.  Lets just say it makes me uneasy just to think about it.  Maybe in the future my mindset will be different.  It would be nice to have friends to relax around, my old ones from Berkeley and the friends here.  A lot of good music could happen....and probably quality seriously, time to be serious about life.

I sure wouldn’t mind seeing a naked female body though, that’s for sure.  So that is what it is, and we go through strenuous battles to get through and make all of it an issue somehow.  So there you go, and we all can appreciate most of this, I would guess.  It’s nice to have Nancy as a new friend too, that is for sure.  It's a drag I never see Karen too.

Tuesday, April 12, 2016


I have to remember not to look at women too long.  They sure are beautiful though. 

Monday, April 11, 2016

everything's going my way

except for this physical ailment, which has me worried.

Gordon Lee's place, past Blogette on old Blogette road, was really cool,  quite magical like Summit, but he's in a really nice spot, kind of a low valley with the tumtum river right next to him, frogs, supposedly a swimming hole, but he's not gay as far as I know, but anyway, it sounded nice.  We sat and played a couple songs and smoked his skinny little well rolled joints.  It's so great to be out there when I can.  Maybe next time we can get some chicks out there too.

He's a talented musician.  He'd be great in our band, but anyway him and me can work on some songs.

I bought a 600 dollar Taylor acoustic/electric.  I am sure I'll have chances to play, and I need at least a pretty good instrument, considering how great of a guitar player I am.  Or better than some, I guess.  But who cares...?

Tuesday, April 05, 2016

*loathsome snicker*

  So we all start seeing things after a while.  I went to the co-op and S was there checking out stuff, and I asked her how she was and wanted to wish her well, which I did.  Other the way we might have seen it, not so much a factor to figure out as a set of ideas somehow communicated with as much possibility as possible, so to speak.  I am looking forward to going to the free meal and then going to karate.
  I hope I am going to be feeling well enough for all that.  My energy level is set at tired, it seems like and so it goes, people find things to do, and money to inherit, and all of that, kind of keeping it as well as it could be, a sorry state of affairs, I would guess.
  Lori is coming over tomorrow to play music, so that is good.  I am sure there will be a bit of benefit in that, a rock thing taking over somehow, carrying away as possible as we any can, try to unite a group, find a task we can enjoy being part of, or it will all seem to be quite strange.

  It would be nice to go out and find a nice place to get stoned and watch the grass.  However, the worry over the gastric condition is really tempering my joy in about anything at all, because of the worry.  Yesterday was the day I was up until nine in the morning because I had run out of Seroquel.  So then the entire next day was fucked.
  I hope I will have more energy this afternoon, but maybe I’m just kind of burnt on guitar playing, but giving that a break won’t be much of a big deal.  I practiced a bit this morning, and that was fun.  So it goes, and we try to pick out patterns on the strings, and find a better band or a better group of friends, try to stay in good health, if only to make us all understand the issue, to have silence in the heart to hear the needs and wants of others.
  So I am going around town, writing down thoughts in little booklets, hoping to see her around as soon as possible, but also kind of tired of chasing her, I would guess, and why ….so there’s always the question of why things happen in the way that they do.  

  In the long and short of it, I’m happy for many reasons, thoughts of Japanese and Spanish, being able to read novels, karate, yoga, music…

Monday, April 04, 2016

sleepytime gorilla theatre

So baked I can barely think at all.  I was up all night last night because I had forgotten to renew my seroquel and was out.  So now I feel all messed up, in addition to the gastric issues.
  I keep coming back to that other idea we might have had, people getting together and putting together things that make more sense most of the time.  
  I so wish that comes out as something.  Perhaps I should stop taking the statin.  On the other hand, I am thinking of ....  I guess all I have to do today is karate, which will be something of a test.   People sit around and debate each other, come around and see each other again, and find some kind of sun shining around the corners, so it is good to be in the land of the living.  
  The typing of words one after another, none of them really making any sense.  The ideas, characters, doctrine, nervousness, and thinking of K looking back at me from her bicycle, and looking into my eyes.  “something inside you is feeling like I do, we’ve said all there is to say” and so it goes.  Putting my day down in words seems like a thing I can do to make myself concrete during the day.  Visions of J in the future (i hope)  and all of that wonderfulness coming and going.  A way to put things on party line and communicate somehow our line of being, of being calm in the short term, acting bored and breathing deeply during our moments of trial and other amenities.  
  I should go home and start reading Les Miserables again, or some other chapter of some book.  Hard to say, and the dull day goes on, shielding myself from the crowds here in the coffee shop.  So that is how it is, and we can hardly hope to do more.

  Last Wednesday at Bombs some lame jazz group was playing and S came in and started dancing, nice hat on, and then we all got somewhere, piling our ideas over ideas and seeing the whole bleak length of days.

  Nice weather today.

Saturday, April 02, 2016

high class

true story:

So I went to an NA meeting in Philomath and my sponsor was there, I guess I liked him as a sponsor because it seems like he was quite a fighter, I mean, in the past.  So anyway it was get something for your sponsor day and I asked him what I could get for him and he laughed and said after a while, “I guess you could get me some high class prostitutes.” and laughed.  He runs a fence making company in town.  Honest guy now.  He made the fence between me and the neighbors.  That was an epic scene.

Friday, April 01, 2016

phone conversation

 I call my bro on Thanksgiving, I’m down in SF at aunt’s place in …somewhere.  He knew I was going down to meet her so he sounded a bit pissed at what might happen, and did (sleeping together)….but anyway…it was not a very long conversation.  He agreed it would be really great to see joe and bill (not real names)  and those guys, but when I said my girlfriend wasn’t with me, he said “hey, we’ll get together next time, chris” ….so he knew the direction… So anyway, I asked if he was still doing Hsing-I…other stuff, avoiding the subject of Adi Da, and finally I told him to keep playing guitar and he laughed, so it’s all cool, joe was up at his place recently other questions were just frustrating to him.  I asked if he went anywhere and he started to say "yeah I go everywhere...or something to that effect, and then he's frustrated and says "no I don't go anywhere" so he knows the deal.  I can't go anywhere without a woman.  I mean, I could go somewhere, but why?  And how much fun would be going alone?  I guess John and I might try another day hike.  I guess my good friend surfs a lot too, so I hear.  Trust fund kid.  Gifted guitar player.  Became very good at martial arts very fast.  I remember he said "I tried.  He's probably got followers he doesn't need too.

The date with her was a total trip.  What a gifted person, psychically, musical, stuck from our same experience..